went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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