god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
