it hurts more in the daytime
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
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Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
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I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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