I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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