Your mouth is God's brothel.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
