Jerry, you need to find god
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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