I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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