I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
