My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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