6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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