And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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