I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
