Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
