3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
