You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Randomize
