i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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