We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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