i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
