just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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