Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
