you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He passed out mid-signature
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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