Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
