In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
