you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
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I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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