Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
