don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
