I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
