I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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