In the future we'll all be gay
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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