Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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