i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
