Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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