dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
