i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
