let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
