I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
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On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
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I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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