He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My liver just had a heart attack.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
