i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
