R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i think my cat just said my name.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
