dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
