Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
