They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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