Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
