The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
a search helicopter?!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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