Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
