Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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