would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
