would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
