Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
