I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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