I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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