I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
