I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
