Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
