i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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