Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
