giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
sex in a hospital.. check
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
