I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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