she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
