We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
