I think I won the penis lottery.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize