Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
