I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I need water and some morals
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
