So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
