What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
