10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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