I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
