Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
