i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
