She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
