Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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