You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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