i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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