I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
