i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
