so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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