Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
