Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
