Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
