i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
nutella sex= disaster
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
